Twentieth post. Hoo-zah!
Anyway, tonight we went to go see a movie at the church--To Save A Life. It was pretty epic. People died. There was tons of drama, but it wasn't like melodramatic shit where people make their own problems and wonder how in the world it happened. It was drama where they knew how it happened but they didn't know how to fix it, at least not without Jesus. 8D But that's the thing, in this movie. They didn't mention Jesus or the Gospel once. o.0 So I wonder about their motives behind this movie...
Most of it was about this guy trying to make up for neglecting his old best friend, who had saved his life once. The kid killed himself because he felt totally and utterly alone. Shot himself in the head AT SCHOOL. >.< What a better way to go--blow your brains out at school, just to prove a point. But hey, at least it made people change their minds about the people you "don't see" in school.
I liked it, for the most part. Some parts were hilarious and downright cheesy (but were made to be cheesy/corny, so that was ok). Others I nearly wanted to cry. 8D But I didn't cry until the end, not that much anyway.
It made me wonder if I'm one of those people--the ones nobody sees, or everyone sees and doesn't give a shit about. Or if I'm one of those on the other side--I see those that need friendship, but I'm too shy to go up and do it myself. I think I'm a little bit of both.
That's why I love the interwebs so much--there's so much anonimity that nobody really gives a rat's ass who you are or where you live. I can be outgoing on the net--in real life, I don't know what, but something inside me just doesn't want to go up to random people and say, "hi". I can be introduced and be cordial or whatever, but if I'm going to attempt making friends with people, I need to be introduced by a friend or something. Even then, I don't know how to start a conversation. I guess I could start with stuff like,
"Do you like Pokemon?" or "What's your favorite video game?" If the answer is "no" or "call of duty 4", then I'm guessing we can't be great friends. xD
But... yeah. I want to be an outgoing-ish sort of person, but I just don't have the social skills. And I think people who don't know me all that well find it hard to talk to me when it's not on a regular basis, so they just give up. Which I understand, because they just want a typical shallow friend relationship. Well, I'm not that kind of friend--I like to know my friends on a deeper, more personal level. I know that their favorite color is green or red, but I'll never remember their birthday because they'll be sure to tell me anyway. xD
AMEN!
ReplyDeleteI used to write to De Arcos about that, all the time---feeling inadequate, talking to people in person, but feeling completely comfortable in writing. Junior year, in her end of the year letter, though, she said that I'd better learn to talk to people in real-life/give up my "fake" internet self, and that I've obviously only created a "fake" internet self because I've "lost touch with reality."
I was like, "Say wut?!!! I thought YOU, of all people, a WRITER, would understand! Why the hell else would I have told you?!!!"
When I was a senior, though, maybe, she stopped caring. Then, she changed her letter topic to "I worry about you," and "You're the student who worries me most." Sooo, I'm guessing, by senior year, she STOPPED thinking I was insane, for having a "real-life" and "internet/writing" personality? o.O
I also don't think that you're somebody "who nobody sees." I mean, come on, when you talk, you're super loud and confident-sounding. I think that's hard to miss :D
xD Yeah, I guess so. I absolutely hate it when people speak in low voices--especially if it's my friends, talking to one another. It's like, "WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT TELL ME?? I THOUGHT WE WERE ALL FRIENDS AND WE DIDN'T KEEP SECRETS??"
ReplyDeleteBut I think this year, I'll be more that person in school, cuz most my friends have graduated and I only have like one (or two, depending on what he thinks of me) friends there left. >.<
That's how I was, yeah, in high school---actually, to me, anyway, it feels like it happens to a lot of people. Not that I ESPECIALLY had friends in high school, but the ones who actually had the same interests as I did were two years older than me, so they left pretty quickly :/
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