Wednesday, November 24, 2010


I like how Hemmoraging has the word "raging" in it. xDDDDD

Today, I go to my Dad's house for Thanksgiving. Is it just me, or is EVERYBODY overlooking this holiday? I mean, sure, Christmas is HUGE, but Thanksgiving isn't just about turkey. Middle-easterners have nothing to do with it anyway (punchline drum, uber fail xDD). But seriously, are we such a materialistic community of people that we ignore the time to get together with our family and eat great food (or not so great food, if Aunt Fanny never quite got that casserole right)? I mean, there's football, too!

I know that Christmas has food, family, AND gifts, not to mention all kinds of TV specials including the good ol' classics on ABC. And there's The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, too. (CAN'T WAIT TO SEE IT, ZOMG) But seriously, people, pay a-freaking-ttention and give thanks. Don't even THINK about putting up your Christmas lights until Black Friday. D8<

Ranting over...

I'm hungry. All I had this morning was toaster waffles, and maybe a bite of two-day-old brownie. But hey! It's still good and moist, unlike my mother's brownies, which she just leaves out on the counter to harden so badly we could sell it to hockey players. I like to be smart and put Seran (sp?) wrap on it, to keep it from flies and things. 8D

Also, apparently someone paid to design the box art for Okami on Wii fucked it up totally.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Now the war is over,
Mussolini's dead,
He wants to go to heaven
With a crown upon his head.
But the Lord said, No!
You must go down below,
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

I bought a journal a couple of days ago. It's not like your contemporary journal, all pretty and shat. It's pretty plain, with grid lines. I like it a bit better than just regular rule, but I still want pure plain paper. I've written a few funny things in it, like the first page is the page where I licked it, and a few others are lists of things. Things I found while picking up litter (plastic army man, 40 gazillion cigarette butts, a broken silly band), Things I see in the present (now the past, a piano, trophies, an old guy), and Things I am bored enough to see or do (pizza, play video games, make apple slices in the shape of bunnies and EAT THEM). Others are random doodles, like My Left Hand-Land, Recipe for a Cuddly Sock Kitty/Pewsa, and every one of my lists, above or below the writing, there is a small doodle showing what exactly I mean by "plastic army man" or "an old guy" (which is pretty much a doodle of a plastic army man or old guy xD).

I wish I knew how to play piano, so I could play The Dresden Dolls songs. I haven't heard their new album. I want to. But my favorite will always be their first album. Cuz "Truce" and "Jeep Song" are the best, in my opinion. 8D "Good Day" and "Coin-Operated Boy" makes me want a Toy Piano (not a toy piano for kids, but a tiny piano that makes a semi-music box kind of sound) xD. I also wish I could make a music box, and compose my own music box song.

My nose just bled. It's okay now, though. I went to the bathroom and stopped it up. It wasn't that bad.

Oh yeah, two whole pages of my little journal of "no particular thoughts" is dedicated to internal dialogue. It's funny to read. Things like, "Lizards!" and "SOMEBODY smells like peanut-butter..." and "What happens if you SIT on a crack?" just make my day sometimes. My favorite has to be, "If Peter Piper picked and Edward Cullen, how many Twilight fans would commit suicide?" I have a better idea--how about we convert them all to reading some GOOD writing, like J.R.R Tolkein, or C.S Lewis (Screwtape Letter and Narnia series FTW), or even my new guilty pleasure Scott Westerfeld?

Good writers FTW.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I think the only reason I really dislike Justin Bieber's music (as opposed to being just fine with it) is the fact that just about EVERYONE (minus the adults I know, which doesn't include my sisters) sings it in a really bad sing-song voice JUST to annoy people.

When I sing, I try to sing in a good voice, and I don't do it to piss people off or get attention. I usually sing when I'm home alone doing dishes or something, so fat chance of catching me singing a bad song badly anyway. xDD


I WANT ONEE!!!!!!oneoneone

Thursday, November 11, 2010


Yesterday, I went to a bible study in the middle of lunch. The teaching was about love. It made me think about what true love was, and how Jesus tells us to love one another.

Most people today think that love is a feeling you get when you look at a boy or girl and just want to stick your tongue down their throat. That's not love. It's called "Lust". The Bible is pretty clear on what TRUE love is. It says so in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

"Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, boastful, proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable and keeps no record of wrongs. It does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance."

This might not be in everyone's bibles because I shortened a few repeated bits ("love is patient, love is kind" in NIV, for example), but the main message is still there.

I like to take things apart, look at them, and apply them to my life.

First, "Love is patient." I would say I'm a pretty patient person. Except with Matt. I'm also rather unkind and rude to him. I vow from today onward, that I won't, to the best of my ability, be rude, unkind or impatient with him, even though it's totally his fault that he says the things he does (seriously, I'm not making him say ANYTHING infuriating to me, he does it all on his own).

"Love is kind." I'm rather kind, I would say. I don't go out of my way to be unkind to anyone or anything. So far, the first two I've got down (not saying I'm perfect or that I'm 100% lovely and patient and kind; this is just what I figure right now. It may change in the future).

"Love is not jealous." I can be jealous sometimes, but who isn't? Actually, I just realized that I can be pretty jealous alot. But on the inside, and I only reveal this side of myself to my mother. I see the rich kids at my school and get rather angry at them, thinking, "oh, you think you're SOOOO good because your parents have SOOO much money and you can just wave bills around like Bill Gates at a strip club. WELL FFFF YOU!!" I know that's very un-christian of me, but it's how I feel on the inside--I don't act on it. I just happen to get rather angry when I see these overpriviledged teenagers ride around the city in their fancy new cherry-red mustangs and think, "Did you EVER lift ONE FINGER to help pay for that car?" I guess they might have, but they didn't pay for it all the way. For me, when I earn enough for a vehicle, it's going to be all on me. Because my family's po. Not poor--po. So poor we can't even afford the other "or". Nah, just kidding, we've got a fine house and we have internet and cable TV and other luxuries that I'm not going to complain about, but in all truth, if God wanted us to be Republican, he would have made all Christians rich. xD I'm not Republican or Democrat, by the way, I'm not a very political person. But I have my opinions.

"Love is not proud." Okay, "pride" can either be a good thing or a bad thing. You can be proud to be an American, a Londoner, a Berliner, or to have a fine son that became president of the United States. Or you can be proud in general, not willing to sink so low as to help starving children in Africa because your money is "too good" for that stuff, or help a certain person trying to earn an honest living on the streetcorner because they're not worth your time and they should just get a real job. People working on streetcorners are human beings too. So, Love is not proud in the latter sense, but I think it isn't proud in the "good" sense, either. Jesus told us to be humble. Pride is not humble. Pride is, in fact, the opposite of humility. So Love is humble as well. I would say that I'm humble when it comes to loving others. I don't take pride in much, and I certainly don't take pride in knowing that I love certain people. Love is humble, plain and simple.
"Love is not boastful." It does not boast. What exactly does it mean to boast? says:

–verb (used without object)
1. to speak with exaggeration and excessive pride, esp. about oneself.

This coincides with the previous statement--pride. Love isn't prideful, nor boastful. It doesn't exaggerate all of the good things it's done (nor the bad) and, to reiterate, is humble.

I just realized that I switched the last two. But it's all good. 8D

"Love is not rude." I'll admit, the only person I'm ever rude to is Matt. That's it. Anyone else, you have to get down to HIS level if you so much as want a taste of my wrath. But, I'm trying to do better in loving people, especially strangers, so you just might not ever see my bad side again.

"Love does not demand its own way." Another translation says, "it is not self-seeking." I see this to mean, "Love is neighborly." Love doesn't look out for numero uno--in fact, there is no "numero uno." Love sees all as equal. From the richest man to the poorest, from the darkest skinned to the lightest, from the east to the west, from tallest to shortest, from gay to straight, from lonely to popular--Love sees none of these. Personally, I don't think I seek my own way. Maybe only with God--when I plan something done my way. Which is never God's way, by the way. Today was a great example, but that's another story...

"Love is not irritable." Love is not easily angered. This coincides with patience--which I often do not have much of with Matt, but I'm getting better. On the inside, I can be angered easily with him, but lately, on the outside, I don't show it. Love is always (no pun intended) lovely. It's friendly and doesn't get angry, even if it is angry on the inside.

"Love keeps no record of wrongs." Love doesn't hold grudges. I'm not much of a grudge person, believe me. I'm still friends with people who have wronged me MILLIONS of times in the past, and I still love them. I don't have to like them 100%, but I still love them.

"Love does not delight in evil." Okay, I can truly say that I have delighted in evil--however innocent it was. It wasn't COMPLETELY evil, trust me, but eh, evil is evil. I think this one is going to be the hardest to break out of, because evil is LOADS of fun. But just because you're a Christian, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't have fun anymore. There are many non-evil fun things to do out there, trust me.

"Love rejoices in the truth." Some translations say that love rejoices with the truth. I think it's all the same thing, unless someone can prove me wrong. I certainly know that I rejoice in truth--maybe not have a party over it, but I enjoy it. Even if the truth is painful and ugly, I still enjoy it--because it's the TRUTH. There's nothing more real than the truth, and that's the truth.

"Love never gives up." I'm a giver-up-er, fo sho. I tried out for volleyball one year, and when I nearly passed out because I didn't have enough air in my lungs, I gave up the idea of joining the volleyball team 100%. Then I played Mirror's Edge and thought, "WHOA THIS IS SO RAD! I WANT TO DO THIS!" So I planned on joining a Track team to help me start running, but the volleyball failure came back to haunt me, so I gave up on that dream. But then again, I didn't love volleyball or track. I do love Parkour, though. Maybe, if I get really serious, I should take it up again?

"Love never loses faith." Another toughie. I'm a person that loses faith alot--not in God, but in other people. I trust God 100%. It's humans that I don't trust. I know how faulty humans are--I mean, just look at me. I don't always follow through, even if I really mean to. I know it's a kind of selfish way to look at things, but I understand that I can be selfish. I accept that. I just need to working on trusting others.

"Love is always hopeful." I'm not sure about how hopeful I am. I mean, I HOPE that one day, I will earn enough money to buy a ukulele for myself. But the word "hope" can be so negative today. Say, a boss comes up to you and asks you if a certain co-worker did what he/she told you to tell him/her to do. If you say, "I hope so," then it will make your boss doubt the working ability of both you and your co-worker. He/She just might fire you both, because you can't give effective orders and your co-worker can't follow them. So, hope can be bad. But Mickey D's on the corner is selling Hope in happy meals--so there must be some redemption for this word.

"Love endures through every circumstance." Some translations will say, "Love never fails." As humans, we all fail. I probably fall into the percentage that fail more than most--but failing can be subjective, depending on who you are. To some, losing a race is only a failure if you didn't try your best, and to others, "if you're not first, you're last".

I began to write this last week, on Thursday, but I was really tied up on the weekend, so I couldn't finish it. xD

So, what's the point of this blog entry?

Love more. Love in the way that true love was meant to be. Not in the lovey-dovey "fall in love" hug kiss affectionate whatnot that the world has twisted it to be, but the way the Bible sees it. If you forget how to truly love, that's okay, we all are failing creatures anyway. Just do your best not to do it again. 8D

Tuesday, November 9, 2010


Today was eventful. 8D

First, I ditched first hour for a few minutes to take pictures with funky hats. Drama room is so much fun, even when you're not sneaking in or smacking on the door to startle whoever's inside. >3<

I spent the majority of my second hour outside picking through the planters looking for snails and rocks roughly the size of M&Ms. Why? Here's the scoop...


I went into my TA and the teacher approached me with a blue ceramic cup. "Now, you're going to think this is weird, but... Chemmy, I want you to go outside and find little pebbles," here she gestured the size, "about the size of m&ms. I'm going to play a prank on the principal." She then proceeded to tell me how she was going to go about doing this--buy a bag of M&Ms and empty it, then fill it with rocks so he wouldn't know the difference. How clever! I figured, not really, since the consistency of m&ms and rocks were very different, but who was I to deprive this woman of her devious fun? Besides--I have a long-held grudge for the man.

After looking for so many rocks, I spied something lying in the mud roughly the size and shape of an M&M. It had a little swirly shape and a part of the thing shimmered like it was wet... HOLY CRAP ITS SNAILS!! They were super tiny, but just the right size. I gathered as many as I could find that were in the right size and shape, and brought them back to the deviant.

"I added these snails for good measure," I told her.

"That's perfect!" she said.

I picked up one and showed it to her--it was rather odd and in an unconventional shape, more like a Peanut M&M rather than a regular one. "This one's a whopper. How cute is he?"

"Yes, yes, it's darling, you're weird," she said, which made me laugh. "Now, go wash your hands."

I did and came back. She handed me a dollar bill and sent me to the teacher's lounge to ask a teacher to retrieve a bag of Peanut M&Ms from the machine.

The teacher laughed and told me, "She wants me to get her coffee, now buy her candy... I should write a book on this job." I laughed.

Back in the office, I was sent upon the task of replacing the candies with crap. The teacher wanted me to cut into it, since it didn't have a flap on the back like normal candies, but I had a better idea.

Instead, I pulled the two sides of the bag apart, splitting it from the inside, and thus opening it without a tear. The teacher thought I was brilliant. I did the deed, ate all the candies at the teacher's request, and glued the bag together. It wasn't exactly the same as a perfect bag of peanut m&ms, but the idiot eye wouldn't be able to tell.

Then, the teacher sent me on the task of writing an anonymous note to the prankee. First, she wondered if we should write, "from your fans", but then came up with a better idea; "especially for you". I thought it was brilliant either way--you could have sarcasm one way and sincerity in the other. Thinking back on it, both on the same note would have been perfect.

I wrote the note in a slow hand, making sure it didn't look like I had written it. I put hearts in the "i"'s and a heart for the "o" in "you".

It was a grand undertaking. 8D

She later sent it to him when nobody was there, and I have yet to hear of the results.

I heard of students being pulled out of classes at random lately, but I'm not sure if it's connected with my devious deed.

At lunch, I spilled ramen all over myself, and smelled like ramen for the rest of the day. xD

Then later, my brother and I were taken to the dentist's office to get a checkup and teeth cleaning. We got x-rays, and I was nervous about it, because it can get very uncomfortable if you have an inexperienced nurse placing the x-ray slots in your mouth. But the nurse I got was pretty experienced, so it was fine.

We later ate Tortas, one of the few dishes my mother can actually cook (well).

I watched Glee.

And then I designed a logo for Blown Away Luna.

Thursday, November 4, 2010


I wasn't in class for five minutes and I felt sick. I was naseous and stuff, so I went to the nurse and she just had me lay down on the cot for fifteen seconds before I barfed. Don't worry, it was in the trash. And it was mostly water. I don't know why I got sick. I only ate a banana this morning. I've been fine the rest of the day, even ate a homemade burrito. Played Fable 2 most of the time when I really should have been reading my Choice Novel. xD Oh well. I bought out a ton of properties and I'm making a killing. 8D

Shopped an awesome pic on Facebook. It maketh me happeh. 8D

But nothing moar has been interesting, lately. Oh well.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


I don't mind the fact that people aren't looking at me 24/7 (not saying that I'd want complete attention, don't get me wrong), but when I try to say something, I'd like for people to fucking listen.


Another day. Worse.

A piece of randomness to contemplate: as I ate my lunch (a ham and cheese Lunchables pack), a brown piece of leaf fluttered (more like crash-landed) into one of the openings where my crackers would go. WTF? I picked it up and looked at it, then threw it away. Not in the trash, but just out into the wind, where it fell onto the floor.

If I haven't said it already, I'll say it again; I hate A-days. Hate 'em with all my stinking black heart. I hate History and Math, because Math makes me feel like a fuckin' retard and the only homework in History is to take notes, so I really don't learn anything (the teach doesn't even check the day after for your notes). And then he expects us to know a 60-70 question test at the end of the month plus or minus a couple essays. THATISBEARCUM!

Apologetics and Science aren't so bad (Science teach has a reputation for being hard on his students and in general a penchant for tom-fuckery, and Apologetics is just rather annoying because it's taking notes and listening to an old man drone on and on about something that he expects everyone, long-term and short term memory retainers, to remember). Every once in a while they give an assignment, and it's a fifty-fifty chance of the ass-sign-mint being uber difficult or ridiculously easy.

Anyway... for class favorites, I won "Most Artistic" and "Most Original". I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. Am I "Most Aristic" because people just take me for granted that I can draw a doodle better than others or what? I mean, I don't think that the people who voted for me for that position even know half the shit I've done. Sure, they see a cute doodle hanging up on the teacher's desk and shit, but do they really know? I don't even know alot of the kid's names in my class. I find it creepy when people know my name but I don't know theirs. It's like, "GTFAWAY! I've never seen you before!"

As for "Most Original"... how do you determine that, anyway? Is it by someone starting a fashion trend or ignoring it? Is someone "original" when they think of something no one else has thought of (which, by the way, is pretty much impossible today)? Considering who else won with me, I think it just might be all of the above plus "that person who is just so strange and yet semi-cool but we don't want to talk to them so that we don't ruin our reputation as 'cool/popular' because other people might not consider them popular and to even be seen with the likes of them could ruin my high school career".

Fuck it all.

People probably see me as anti-social lately because I've just tried to avoid talking at all. I mean, it's not like I don't like talking to people. Just sometimes, I don't have much to say. There are three situations that happen when two people try to converse. One: Person A tries to strike up a conversation, but person B doesn't respond at all, and person B is labeled as "antisocial". Two: Person A says something to person B as an idle thought, and person B says something back that requires a response from person A and the conversation is born. Three: Person A says something to person B and person B replies, only the answer is not something that catches person A of particular interest and the conversation has died.

I'm usually in situation One and Three. Sometimes, I'm person A, and other times, I'm person B. Lately, I've been person B. I mean, I try to be nice when others are cordial to me, but fuck it if I've been pissed off already.

Today, a girl caught my attention as I stared in her general direction, but I was really looking at a long poster of M.C. Escher's Metamorphose poster. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"No," I replied.

She looked like she didn't want to ask, but she did anyway. "Why?"

"Oh, you know, it's just been one of those weeks." She probably thought I was on my period. Actually, I just got through with that shit. Of all days, one less excuse.

I figure this is one of those times when God hides himself so that you can grow closer to Him, but lately everything coming out of my mouth has been "shit fuck fuckedy tomdickery son-of-a-monkey-fuck". Trust me, I can put a sailor to shame with my shit.

I'm just tired of looking out on the patio and wishing my gradumanated friends had been a year younger and stayed with me....

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I had a dream last night with Daniel in it. I just remember hugging and he was in casts because he kept crashing on his skateboard. I doubt he currently skateboards anymore, but whatever. Fuck me. But I don't remember any other detail about the dream.

I'm semi-depressed angry angsty. Like, I miss the old days. Every day is the same fuckin' thing over and over again and I'm like, FUCK! I just want to give the world a big fat FUCK YOU in the sky. xDD But seriously, I just realized, as I walked down the hall to math class yesterday, I felt like, "How many times have I walked down this same fucking hall to the same fucking class that I don't want to go to? Fuck. I want to complain to Danielle..." but I don't have texting (which is everyone's main source of communication) and I hate talking on the phone and it's not guarunteed that she'd pick up or even have the time to talk. I wish I had a real hobby. I would love to be able to run, but I'm out of shape and I'm like, "fuck running, fuck that."

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

You say and write fuck enough, it doesn't sound like a word anymore.

I bet porn ads would come up if I let them, in reply to this post. xDD Fuck them.

I think that if this semi-manic-depression goes on any longer, I just might do something crazy. Like take too many behavioral pills and run into the mall fountain and rip all my clothes off and scream, "GRAAAGH! I AM THE KRAKEN FROM THE SEA!!"

That actually doesn't sound too bad right now.

Monday, November 1, 2010


I walked into Math today and on my desk were two random objects: a tiny, rotted leaf and a little silver paper disc that is normally found on bottles to keep the stuff on the inside from "spoiling". I gave them both a hard look, wondered who would have put them here, and if their purpose was to make people wonder the exact same thing I was wondering. Then I threw them in the trash.

I walked into the bathroom and SO MANY PEOPLE were in there. I bumped into the same girl twice and stepped on somebody's foot. I thought, "I really wish Danielle were still here, so that I could complain to her about every little last detail, like the girl that keeps getting in my way and how I miss all of my gradumanated friends so badly."

I just saw her last night, but I miss her so much already.

Also, I was ignored. I felt like I didn't exist, and while that's nothing new, I was ignored by the teachers. Well, forgotten, actually, but I still felt like people thought I wasn't important enough to even look at.

I want to re-read the Redwall series. I began reading them in Jr. High out of the school library (as well as Animorphs), but they didn't have the whole chronological selection (Animorphs as well, but it was worse). I don't think I ever finished the Adventure of Luke, or whatever it was. Or even started it.

For English, though, I'm reading Blue Highways by William Least Heat-Moon. It's pretty rad. The characters he meets throughout the thing, the conversations he has, seem to me like it's not a memoir at all, but just something he came up with, like fiction. D8<

Whenever I want to feel artistic in a writing sense (as in decribing something), I think, "What would ESO do?" xD

I have so many clothes handed down from my sister. I need to go through them and throw out ones I don't like or would never wear anymore, because my drawers are PACKED.

I miss my Sasuke boxers. T^T