Sunday, August 29, 2010


I want to devour books like a fat lady with chocolate. 8D


I have found out that I only like to surround myself with people who are actually intelligent and don't act like dumbasses or total jackasses all the time. This is probably why I hate Matt so much, because he is both 24/7, at least when he's around me. He always wants to talk. He thinks that in order to be human, you have to say SOMETHING every five seconds. He asked me once, "Why are you so quiet? Why aren't you saying anything?" Well, I don't HAVE to say anything if I don't want to, now do I? Paranoid-ass. That's another thing I don't like about him. I look past him, to read a sign or something, and he's like, "Why are you looking at me?" I can look at you if I want, can't I? I have a right to--not only as a human being, but as your "friend" too, which you seem to think I am. He thinks that I am one of his "closest" friends. That couldn't be father from the truth. I hardly know the kid.

God, I hate him so much I've devoted two blogs to smashing his ass. I need a hobby.

Friday, August 20, 2010


Just got back from high school retreat. My mother was there. It was fun. Not really. Well, it was fine. I got sore from playing Ninja and some sophomore got all chummy with me. I was like, SHIT, I just wanted to have fun dueling Yu-Gi-Oh cards with Jared, and now I've got THIS on my ass, too.

Oh yeah, and have I mentioned that Matt is being even more of a little whiny bitch than he usually is?

He asked me today, "How come you never want to hang out with me and Josh? Like, we're your closest friends and you go and hang out with people you don't even know. Why do you always avoid us?"

Okay, EVERYTHING was wrong with that statement. One, I DO "hang out" with them--I just usually go away because Matt is complaining all the damned time and I'm never feeling up to dealing with his girly bullshit. Two, they are not my "closest friends", Josh is my brother and Matt is just my friend. I don't even know him that well, besides the fact that I know he's a paranoid-ass bitch. Three, when I hang out with these "other people", I actually know them--longer and better than I have Matt himself, so he needs to shut the fuck up. Four, I NEVER avoid them. Whenever I see them, I say, "Hey, what's up?" and then they just start talking and usually Matt fucks it up with asking me some stupidass question like, "Why are you so mean to me? Why do you ignore me?" Well maybe I don't want to have to deal with your whiny ass, you stupid fuck.

So I'm just sitting there, on some steps, too tired to move or even deal with his shit, waiting for him to finally give up, and he does. "Fine, be that way. You only care about yourself." (something along those lines)

Oh, I'm sorry, was that supposed to be an insult? No, YOU only care about yourself--you are a spoiled little rich boy who has had everything bought and handed to him from the day he was born. And for the record, it has been proven that single children are fucked up in the head anyway, so from the very start you were wrong. I only wish he could hear himself.

Actually, I don't wish he could hear himself--so that the rest of us can point and laugh and make him feel bad about himself. Go get your parents to have sex and produce another child so that you have better things to do than whine to me that I don't "hang out" with you or "ignore" you, because the only reason I decide to not hang out with you and ignore you all the time is because you USED to be fun to hang out with, but then you got all whiny and bitchy about what I did to you and what I do to you now and now I don't want to even so much as look in your direction.

And I try not to stereotype races, but it's so hard when one particular race has made the same annoying stereotype to me all my life. I mean, there are cool black people out there that I know that aren't just plain annoying, but Matt is really hurting my openess to the african american culture. Not black people--african americans. Because I'm sure that africans and british africans and all that shiz are pretty cool people to be around.

Hell, Matt is HALF black. The other half is white. So I guess that means, interracial couples are cool but their children are devilspawn.

I don't wish he were dead, just less whiny and bitchy. I wish I had a nice, long and intelligent word for "whiny, bitchy, girly, and just plain annoying". Maybe if I look hard enough on the internet I can find one.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


I woke up early in the morning to the sound of thunder.

I like thunder, I love storms. It's nice when we get some rain every now and then. 8D So I sat there, listening to the rain pound my window, thinking of something to draw on graffiti for Elizabeth--like a red flower with rain in it.

Then suddenly, a thought occurs:


I jump out of bed and go to my brother's room. He sleeps like a baby in this storm. I tell him, "Did you bring the dogs in?"


Well, obviously, since the dogs aren't in there.


I turn to go get my dogs. I turn off the alarm and open the door. Poor Hershey isn't even in any kind of shelter--she just sits there, in the middle of it all, looking like the saddest creature I've ever seen.

"Hershey! Come here, baby!" I call. Where was Zuzu? Five seconds later, here he comes, out of nowhere, waddling like a little drowned rat. Hershey is freaking out and keeps licking me, all grateful.

I turn and see my brother in the kitchen. "Go get them some towels," I tell him. I go turn the alarm back on.

I go back into the hallway that leads to mine and my brother's room, and I see my brother's back, walking towards his room. I TOLD YOU TO GO GET TOWELS, YOU FAT FUCK.

So I have to pull a towel out myself and dry the dogs off as best I can. Hershey first--she's bigger and has more water stuck in her slick fur. Zuzu just wants to play, and tugs on the towel.

So then I leave them to my brother's room and go back to my room and try to sleep, but it doesn't seem to be working. All I can think of is my poor dogs and my brother's selfish self, not even bothering. And he wants to consider them HIS dogs. Asshole.

So finally I went to sleep. I think I'll make that graffito now. 8D


Twentieth post. Hoo-zah!

Anyway, tonight we went to go see a movie at the church--To Save A Life. It was pretty epic. People died. There was tons of drama, but it wasn't like melodramatic shit where people make their own problems and wonder how in the world it happened. It was drama where they knew how it happened but they didn't know how to fix it, at least not without Jesus. 8D But that's the thing, in this movie. They didn't mention Jesus or the Gospel once. o.0 So I wonder about their motives behind this movie...

Most of it was about this guy trying to make up for neglecting his old best friend, who had saved his life once. The kid killed himself because he felt totally and utterly alone. Shot himself in the head AT SCHOOL. >.< What a better way to go--blow your brains out at school, just to prove a point. But hey, at least it made people change their minds about the people you "don't see" in school.

I liked it, for the most part. Some parts were hilarious and downright cheesy (but were made to be cheesy/corny, so that was ok). Others I nearly wanted to cry. 8D But I didn't cry until the end, not that much anyway.

It made me wonder if I'm one of those people--the ones nobody sees, or everyone sees and doesn't give a shit about. Or if I'm one of those on the other side--I see those that need friendship, but I'm too shy to go up and do it myself. I think I'm a little bit of both.

That's why I love the interwebs so much--there's so much anonimity that nobody really gives a rat's ass who you are or where you live. I can be outgoing on the net--in real life, I don't know what, but something inside me just doesn't want to go up to random people and say, "hi". I can be introduced and be cordial or whatever, but if I'm going to attempt making friends with people, I need to be introduced by a friend or something. Even then, I don't know how to start a conversation. I guess I could start with stuff like,

"Do you like Pokemon?" or "What's your favorite video game?" If the answer is "no" or "call of duty 4", then I'm guessing we can't be great friends. xD

But... yeah. I want to be an outgoing-ish sort of person, but I just don't have the social skills. And I think people who don't know me all that well find it hard to talk to me when it's not on a regular basis, so they just give up. Which I understand, because they just want a typical shallow friend relationship. Well, I'm not that kind of friend--I like to know my friends on a deeper, more personal level. I know that their favorite color is green or red, but I'll never remember their birthday because they'll be sure to tell me anyway. xD

Thursday, August 5, 2010


For some reason, it doesn't want to scan today.

So I complain to my hubby on fb that it's not working and I tell him, I'm gunna burn it and he will do it with me. So he says cool and I say:

If you've got the gasoline, I've got the matches

And I felt that it was so brilliant that I have to put it into a poem or song of some sort.

But I'm not creative enough to write songs. Maybe a poem and then transform it into a song... but whatevs. I like that line. 8D

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


I've been bitching for the past few blogs.

Ah, well. What're you gunna do?

I want to sit on my roof and watch the stars.

The night always makes me feel better. Some people hate the dark and night and all that. But I love it. It means that the sun isn't beating down on you like the romans did to Jesus. It's warm in the summer, but it's not hotter than Satan's toenails.

If it were hotter than Satan's toenails, I'd have been living in Cali from the start. No way in hell is my family going through five AC units each year.

Behind me, Teen Mom is on. It's annoying. People are yelling at each other. They're like, "I want my baby. I want to get away from my mom. Ever since the baby, life just sucks." WELL NO SHIT. YOU decided to open your legs, it's nobody else's fault that you got pregnant and all this shit happened.

Besides, there are tons of other teen moms out there, and I don't see them giving you any shit about their life. Just do us all a favor and drop dead, please.

No, not really. I just hate watching that show and for some reason my sisters love it. They make it an occasion. "Do you want to come over to my house and watch Teen Mom?" "No, I'll watch it here, besides... excuseexcuseexcuse..."

There I go, bitching again. Dammit.

I want to write, but I don't know what about. And I want it to be somewhat legit, but I don't have all the time in the world to be typing.



I want to go outside, but it's too hot and there's nothing to do anyway.

I printed out the tabs to Fever Dream by Iron and Wine and try to learn it, but I soon realize that Iron and Wine songs are generally expert-player level, and I'm somewhere between novice and beginner. I do love the song, tho. I would sing it to my children before bed.

That would be cute--a song before bed instead of a book. Sure, I can read them a book, if they want. I'd ask them, "Do you want a song or a book tonight?" I would have to have one or three children, because I would not be able to choose if my two kids picked different things. OR I JUST HAD AN IDEA if I wrote a song that WAS ALSO A STORY like Rudolph the Red-Nose Reindeer!

My husband would probably be a musician as well, on the nights when I don't feel up to singing and playing. That is, if I DO get a husband. Lately, it seems, all the guys interested in me are either bad for me or I just don't like them. >.< With each guy I consider, I also consider how we would be married. What kind of life would it be like? If I can't see it, then I don't bother to consider it any longer. If I can see it and it's hell, then I just do my best to walk away. BUT ITS SO HARD.

"That's what she said."



I want to get out of this house and go somewhere with perfect weather. Like Trinidad, California. It's freakin beautiful there. I want to live there. Maybe I will, once I sprout wings and fly. It's such a cute little place, I wish I could just live like a hermit for the rest of my life and write til my fingers fall off and I die of depression that I can't write anymore.

I just hate the weather here. It's too hot to do ANYTHING. And even if there IS something to do, you're either not in the mood or on your period (which I am currently anticipating, no thanks to mother nature). I wish my life were something like an anime, where all the people are pretty and there's ALWAYS something to do that doesn't involve being indoors. AND YOU'RE COOL TOO!

You can tell I'm going to be on my period soon because I'm all moody and unhappy about my boring life. Any other week of the month, I'm little miss sunshine with a bird on my shoulder. Lately, I have seen nothing but depressing stuff--my tomato soup failure, my artistic failure, and even my lousy mood to all of it. Dammit, I want to go to perfect California.

But I'm stuck inside a house all day long.




I wanna play sooo bad. There are so many different player classes and the artwork is so badass. BUT you have to download it in order to play, so there goes that idea. >.< This computer already has too much memory on it as it is, and it's not even that old! It's actually about a few months old, not even a year. SO WHYY DOES IT GLITCH OUT??

I'll tell you why. That stupid program my mother installed on it. It's eating away at our memory faster than my mother downloads pictures. Can someone get an external hard drive for this woman? Or another computer? I really wish I had my own laptop... >.<

But yeah... maybe when I get a stable job and earn some serious moohlah, I'll be able to buy my own stuff more and play Ragnarok. That is, if it doesn't die. I'm sure it won't die. It's too cool to die.

It's like .//Hack, but better.

Monday, August 2, 2010


For lunch, I decided that I would make tomato soup. I love tomato soup. Turns out I was making it for the dogs.

First, I left it on too long and too hot. Then, I put too much milk in it, so it came out this weird speckled pink color. I tasted it. Too creamy. Double damn, literally. I decided it was time to give it to the dogs. I looked everywhere for a disposable bowl, finally decided on an old mint bucket, and poured it all in. I put some ice cubes in it because I learned the last time I made my dogs lick something boiling hot--they jumped back, shook their heads wildly (making soup drops go everywhere) and didn't touch it again. Well, the stupid one did, because she doesn't really learn, but the other is too smart and spoiled for his own good. I even gave him a noodle (it was fideo soup) and he didn't dare touch it.

So I set it outside and realized that it was too tall for the little one to get into, but the bigger dog would be all-right. She just looked at me like, "The hell you trying to do? It's too hot for hot soup in the middle of the freaking summer!" I was just like, "Bitch, eat it." But, of course, they didn't.

I decided to let them in and put the thing aside for later, when they cooled down and felt like eating some semi-warm soup. Hershey did, but Zuzu didn't even so much as look at it. I dipped my finger in some and let him lick it. He didn't touch it.

That spoiled dog...

Anyway, later they were put outside and I noticed that there were little red flecks on the wall where the soup used to be. Oh, hell. I'll clean it up later.

Later soon came, and I got on my hands and knees and began scrubbing the wall but it wouldn't come off, so I started laughing my ass off. "This is what I get for fucking up tomato soup and then feeding it to my animals..." I was both frustrated and slightly insane at this point. I don't really know why I started laughing. Thinking about it now, I still want to laugh. WHY IS IT SO FUNNY??


Most of it's blocked. I tried watching episodes of Gundalian Invaders last night, until about 11:00 but then the first part to the third episode of the season was blocked, so I just decided to go to bed. I went back into my room and there was my brother and cousin listening to rap. I remember trying to describe to my cousin that Nutella was a drug unlike any other. He's a little slow, so after two minutes of saying "hazelnut" and "cocoa paste", he was like, "OH, yeah, I've had that stuff, that shit's the bomb." xD With Nutella, you just sit there and crowd around a jar, spoons in hand, like crackwhores hitting a pipe. It's not funny. That shit will rule your life.

So hopefully I can find a site that isn't mostly blocked and watch Gundalian Invaders.

Sunday, August 1, 2010



Cuz, I'm ready to start another period and Hell, it's like I can't get away from them gettin skwishedd. >.< I know they're not much, but still! My niece will lay her head on my chest or climb up to reach my necklaces (I wear them all the time, to sleep and to shower, so she's always interested xD) and it's like, "LITTLE GIRL STOP IT THAT HURTS WHEN YOU TURN 12 TO 18 YOU'LL UNDERSTAND MY PAIN." xD

No seriously, She will know the pain. ಠ_ಠ

But anyway, about my necklaces...

One is a zinc or silver-plated copper chain with a circular pendant on the bottom with ocean waves engraved on it. I like it alot, so I wear it all the time. My dad gave it to me for christmas--it came with a grey Ocean Pacific brand shirt and I've worn it ever since. I can tell its nickel or whatever plated because it's rubbing off and the copper underneath is coming out.

The other one is a hemp square knot necklace that my friends made for me. It never comes off, unless you want me to snip the string and break it. It has different colored beads on it, each representing each of my closest friends at the time it was made. There are ten in all. I would only take it off if it breaks. I love it with all my heart cuz it was specially made and has all of my friends on it. 8D Well, not all, but most of them.

As I write, I listen to the Pandora Radio. Right now, When You Were Young by The Killers is playing. I love The Killers. I remember the first time I told my mother about The Killers. She was wondering why in the world they would name themselves such a name. I dunno. Some bands don't put much thought into the names of their band. They just go with what sounds cool. xD I've always wondered, if I was in a band, what would my band's name be? I'm sure we would all have to agree, so all of my opinions would be shot down, because my ideas suck. Unless its really clever, like The Beatles did with their name. 8D Like Beetles, but BEATles.

But I ain't clever, so whatever.

"We stand on the shoulders of Giants."

I dunno what this means, but my dad told this to me once in one of his "heart-to-heart, prepare you for the world" talks. I think it might be a lyric from Led Zeppelin.